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February 27, 2003 - Baby in Hell
Take a minute and think about your pet - your dog, your cat, your hamster, whatever furred and four-footed creature shares your life. Now imagine that your beloved pet is covered with red scabby ugly itchy mange and spends all its waking moments howling, yowling, and scratching at the rash until it bleeds. You've tried everything. Baths, creams, vitamins, multiple trips to the vet, dandruff shampoo. But it's no use. The only way to stop the scratching is to trim the nails, and when you do this your pet puts up a terrific fight, all the while keening and wailing to break your heart. Sticks lie unretrieved, feathers and balls unmolested. You and your pet can't have any fun together, because all your pet wants to do is scratch and bleed. The only peace he gets is when finally, mercifully, he falls asleep. Think of this red scabby ugly hide, and then imagine it on the unimaginably tender skin - the unimaginably tender face - of a human infant. Ê Eczema. Hideous word, and the reality of it is even uglier. We've been through: Gold Bond, PhisoDerm, Head and Shoulders, vitamin supplements for me, oatmeal baths, Aveeno cream, Vaseline, and cider vinegar. Today we visited the doctor and she called in the big guns: hydrocortisone cream and Benadryl. It's as if my baby has been taken from me. No sweet babbling, no happy playtime that isn't cut off with a scream as those sharp little nails meet that red, raw face. I'm crying almost as much as she is. All I can do is try to see Asha in September, her skin supple and golden and smooth after months of soft summer air and warm summer light. It is so dry in this winter house and her defenses are pitiful and I'm doing my best but still she is in hell. Ê I cling to the good moments. Today she stopped crying long enough to reach up and touch my face, small fingers grasping my nose, slipping inside my mouth. She pulled my hair today, too, for the very first time. Her hands are awakening, but while the left one joyously waves her rattle the right one rakes her cheek, and all her smiles disappear. * * * Update: one of the 10,001 things that we did seems to have worked, she's got rose-petal cheeks and skin like new cream. On to the next crisis ...
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