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October 7, 2002 - Even Felons Get a Window
I went home to Jerk Town and did as many things - spontaneously and alone - as I was able. Got up at seven one morning and drove to the 7-11 for coffee, just because I could. No small sleeper left behind. Two days later, took breakfast at the diner downtown, just me and the newspaper, just because I could. Took what was probably my last unencumbered trip to the beach for the next decade and a half, just a towel and a book to read. No pails shovels bottles diapers; nothing, once I'd made my way into the warm embrace of the water, to tie me to the shore. Mom and Dad went out on Friday night, and Aurora came over for a little while, but when she had to go I wasn't sorry. How many more nights will I get like that, alone? Ê Tonight, for one. Monday's Toby's teaching night, so here I am by myself 'til ten, listening to the wind in the trees and trying to press some thoughts to paper. I'll have next Monday all to myself, and the one after that, and then it's anybody's guess. Toby and I are happy fools together. On the television a local haberdashery earnestly inquires if you need a pair of Sansabelt pants, and because we both laugh at this until the point of choking I know again I've married the right man. Ê Childbirth Preparation Class. We went Sunday - an all-day marathon - and I guess it was helpful, but still. How can anyone prepare me and my body for this experience? This is a harsh and terrible example, but would anyone dream of trying to explain to you what a heart attack feels like? No. It's something you have to experience for yourself. The class group toured a labor and delivery room and stopped by the nursery, then headed over to the "alternative birthing" unit, where the tacit philosophy of Childbirth Preparation Class became clear. "Good" women - women who choose to bring their child into the world without the oh-so-unnecessary and oh-so-unnatural interference of those nasty pain medications- get to give birth in a nice double bed in a nice big room with a pretty rug on the floor. And a window. Choose to suffer less and get a hard narrow cot in a room that shuts up tight. I saw that window, and even though it was small and ugly and set too high up in the wall to give any sort of a view, I could almost give in to the pain to have the sun at my bedside on that day, instead of being locked away in the darkness.
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